…a smiling, from the neck up profile picture, no status updates or additional picture uploads means you are far too important in your professional life to engage in Facebook activity.
Glad to see…
…that you ‘like’ being happy. You forgot to add “at the expense of my children.”
There are three…
…mandatory things in life. Death, taxes, and providing birthday blowjobs.
Constantly posting…
…about how you wish it was spring isn’t going to make it arrive any faster.
Congratulations on the kid…
…not so much congratulations on naming it something it’ll spend its life hating you for.
You’re in Love…
…with a horse. With a horse? Seriously? There are videos about that kind of thing on the Internet, you know. You should look them up. You could make some money.
Zen and the art of…
…managing the newsfeed so that you don’t get pissed off or feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach when you check Facebook.
Oooh…
…you only eat organic. I GET IT. I’m going to take a bite of my processed cheese sandwich now.
Sometimes…
…when you give your mom medical advice, it ends up being sex advice. Just saying.
The more miserable someone actually is…
the more likely they are to post statuses saying how happy they are.
